Hello Major Tom...are you receiving??

Okay, now that I got that song stuck in your head....4..3...2...1....earth below us...
Is there anyone out there still reading my blog? Am I reading my blog?
Yes!
I woke up this morning with a headache, a kink in my neck on the right side, and the awful reality that I dreamed about Justin Beiber (that's what happens when you see a commercial with him and Ozzy right before going to bed). I'd give anything to cut that kid's hair. And his songs, don't get me started on his songs because what does a 13 year old know about being deep in love!! And he certainly shouldn't be calling anybody "baby baby baby". You learn Justin Beiber songs when you are forced to go to the skating rink with your 8 year old for her school's fundraising skate party. Anyway, i digress:

So.....even with all those factors included in waking up this morning, i also woke up with a new sense of blogging desire. I guess this whole 'single mom' thing took a while to get used to and has been harder than i was hoping. I wasn't really too worried about Eric leaving because this isn't the first time he's deployed, it's the 4th time by golly! And we knew plenty of time before hand that Eric was going to be deploying for these 6 months, but the last time he 'vacationed in Iraq,' Chase was 1 and he was alot easier than he is now. We didn't have his diagnosis yet, and he wasn't even walking, so now that he's 5, walking of course, and a busy busy boy with school and therapies, life is a little more crazy than I'd have expected!
I feel like I've gone through the 7 stages of Grief in these last 6 weeks since Eric left for Afghanistan.

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-

I kept telling myself not to dwell on the fact that he was going to be gone for half a year which in turn felt like i was floating on a cloud and not taking anything in. While it's good not to dwell on things, i also wasn't accepting the fact that I was going to be going at it alone for a while.


2. PAIN & GUILT-
I started waking up in the mornings forgetting he was gone and being reminded all over again that he was. Also, when Allie cried for her dad and Chase constantly taking me over to the computer wanting to talk to his dad, (i think Chase thinks Eric lives in the computer now because of Skype.)i felt guilty that there wasn't much i could do at the moment to make them feel better.

(The kids talking to Eric on Skype)

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
I was angry that I had to juggle all of the responsibilities of our family alone. Angry that Eric wasn't here. Angry that the house was so messy, (not dirty) just messy . As Chase's behavior therapist puts it "Amber's house is a "No Germ Zone". What can i say...I love Clorox wipes and sprays containing bleach.

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
I started feeling sorry for myself that my husband was gone and I have to be the one to deal with all the therapies Chase requires and other problems needing attention. Also feeling jealous at church while I sit in class alone and all my friends have their husbands sitting next to them, helping them with their children at church.


5. THE UPWARD TURN-
Like my friend Cindy Davis (fellow Air force spouse, now retired)at church told me I would, i did finally find my niche and things are falling into place where they should. I finally feel like I'm in control again and getting new routines down, especially for the evenings to make bedtime go smoother and the house to stay tidier. I also came to my senses and stopped feeling sorry for myself! Sheesh! What a total dork i was being :)

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
I've been able to better adjust to being the sole care taker of the kids and home responsibilities. I never realized until now how much Eric does around the house for us! I won't take that for granted again! Thanks Babe for all you do!

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

And finally, i woke up this morning with a renewed sense of motivation and desire, ready to tackle the piles of mail, papers and home decor projects that have been waiting to happen. I've already tackled the piles of mail, i gave myself a deadline of this weekend to finally once and for all, pick the paint colors for the living room and kitchen, and I've finished up many thrift store re-do's that I've been working on...pics to come. Also, i gotta give a shout out to my ward at church. They are the best. They are so willing to help me out and are quickly learning that I do need help, but struggle with asking for it. Asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do. I don't' know why! It just is! I wish it wasn't! But they listen to the Spirit and know when I need it and they come. I am forever thankful to them for that.

So, now that you know way more about me than you would have liked, and my headache's gone after a very large diet coke and 4 Advil, I'm ready to start blogging again! So watch out, or, at least watch for new blog posts, if there's still anyone out there who reads this bloggity blog.

Now, where on earth, Major Tom, is my camera??

(Chase kissing his dad while talking to him on Skype.)