It was approximately 3pm on Labor Day, and I was in Fresh and Easy buying ice cream to have after Family Home Evening.
I was at the check out line and Chase was being my helper by pushing the buttons on the touch screen at check out. I wouldn't have let him do it if he wasn't being compliant with which buttons to push, but he was being great! The most compliant he'd EVER BEEN at a store. I was watching him the whole time and not letting him push buttons at random just for fun. When we finished and turned to leave, Chase turned back around and started pushing the buttons, and like a millisecond second later, i was there to stop him.
One of the employees muttered under his breath "it's not a toy". This employee hadn't been standing there to see Chase being super compliant, which isn't always the case with Chase. All he saw was when Chase turned back around to the register when we were walking away. Lucky for that guy, it didn't register to me what he'd said until i was walking out the door. Had i realized what he said at the time he said it, my exit from the store could have gone a lot differently.
One of my biggest pet peeves since becoming a mom is when other people feel they need to chime in their two cents. I couldn't have been quicker at stopping Chase from pushing buttons but this dude still had to make a comment.
As the mother of an autistic child, I've learned to overcome alot when it comes to having my child with me in public. The embarrassment of having Chase flip out in public was a hard one to overcome.....and when I say flip out, that's putting it nicely. It's more like a full on melt down times a million. I've learned to not let it bother me that people are staring or shaking their heads in disbelief or in disagreement at how my child is reacting and how I'm handling it. I've learned to not let it bother me when people huff and puff, roll their eyes, burn me with their judgmental thoughts and looks, and even when they full on stop and stare, i could care less. But when they make comments, that's what I still have trouble with...that and when Chase wants to lie face down on the floor at Walmart...Yuck...i die ;)
What the man said in Fresh and Easy wasn't horrible, it's just the judgmental look for Chase he had on his face and the fact that I was so quick to stop Chase from pushing any more buttons should have been enough. The man didn't see the perfect compliance Chase was exhibiting just seconds earlier.
"So.....No comments from the peanut gallery please."
Parents of children with autism know how important it is for their child to learn to be compliant. It's the first thing they teach when you start autism behavior therapy. Nothing else can be learned if the child isn't compliant, and that in itself is a daunting task when it's first being taught. Everyday things get alot easier when compliance isn't an issue. Nobody is a perfect parent, but we're all trying to do our best given what we've got, and that should be enough.
When a parent is struggling with their child in a public place, the last thing they need is questions like "Is everything okay?"
"Do you need help?"
"Is he alright?"
Yes, everything's okay, NO i do not need help, and yes, my child is fine believe it or not. Unless you have training in how to handle a child with autism, then move it along people:) But I know sometimes they're just trying to help.
I have the right mind next time when someone asks if I need help to actually say, "yes! i do need help. I would love it if you would watch my son while i finish my shopping in peace. I hope you won't mind that I will be taking my time and enjoying myself ":)
I've had people stop and say to me "does your son have autism?? And when i say yes, they'll tell me that their nephew or grandson or cousin or someone in their life has it too and then we empathize together and instantly they take their place in the autism family that surrounds so many of us in this world.
So the next time you're at Walmart, and you see a child having a melt down, try to remember that child may have autism and is learning, albeit slow, how to handle and deal with their emotions....or they may just be a typical 2 year old having a melt down, and just be glad it's not you that has the screaming child in your shopping cart ;)
1 comment:
My daughter has SPD and when she was a toddler she would lose it every time we shopped at Target. It completely over-stimulated her and she would usually be carried out kicking and screaming in a football hold. At the time I did not know about SPD and I was not sure why she was behaving this way, along with the many other people who were shopping around me.
As a parent we don't want to be judged or have our children judged and as a parent we need to learn not to judge others as well.
Great post. Wonderful reminder.
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