So the other day, i wrote a post about Chase's new-found aggression and how hard it's been to handle and how things have been tough since Eric left for training.
But then i got to thinking that the post sounded like i was feeling sorry for myself.
So after a couple of days, i deleted it, but not because you should never feel sorry for yourself and tell someone about it, but because i don't want to shed a negative light on Chase's autism.
I don't want to be remembered as someone who complained all the time about her son's autism, and wished for something different.
His condition is what it is, and I've finally accepted that chances are, there might never be a cure for autism in this lifetime, and we just have to do with what we got.
So with that being said, Chase is still Chase, and we still have hard times.
Like today, i wanted to run into Michaels, really quick, but Chase wouldn't even get out of the car and when I finally 'bribed' him out with a lollipop, he only wanted to follow the rabid pigeons in the parking lot while eating said lollipop, instead of walk into the store.
I was able to get him halfway to the front door of the store from the parking lot before it became crystal clear that going into Michaels was not going to be an option. It never really was.
I feel really bad for being rude to the pan handler that started asking me for money while Chase was "voicing his opinion" about getting out of the car. I didn't let the guy finish asking for money before i rudely interrupted and said "I don't have anything" but i said it in an "I"m annoyed that you are even talking to me" kind of voice. He replied with an "Okay Thank you ma'am, and Happy Holidays" but in a nice voice.
So i felt like pooooooop.
Then I had to tell Allie that we had to leave, and we went home and I cried because I knew the rest of Saturday would be spent at home, not able to do anything and all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself, and I did. For a couple of hours anyway, until Eric called and talked to me and then sent me the most beautiful picture text of a Wisconsin sunset, which i loved because that's where i served my mission and it was perfect. So i got up, and cleaned my house.
Then i went to my ward Christmas party and have you ever heard that saying "it takes a village to raise a child?"
Well, it's true. The people in my ward are amazing. They help me out so much when Eric's gone. And I never feel judged by them when it comes to Chase. What a blessing that is in my life!
So do i really have reason to feel sorry for myself??
No way I say!!
3 comments:
You're awesome, Amber. Just so you know. :)
I read the post you removed and I just wanted to tell you that I did not take from it any self-pity or negativity. I do not have a child with autism so I cannot say I understand how you feel, but I have had some trying times with one of my children. Your post shared your feelings at that moment, which were honest and real. We, as mothers, know both the highs and the lows of parenthood. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have our moments and the support of friends and family help us to walk through them to get to the next high.
I think you are amazing and so patient and that Chase is adorable!He was making me smile at the ward party and today at church. I also read the post and didn't feel like you were feeling sorry for yourself, just venting and we all deserve that once in a while.
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