A big serving of humble pie

I don't get frustrated very often with the fact that Chase is autistic.
I don't feel sorry for myself that I have a delayed child.
I love Chase more than ever each day.

But one day last week, Friday the 13th actually, i was feeling frustrated. An incident had just happened and i was feeling sorry for myself that my son was the way he was. I know that sounds horrible, I know.
My 3 and a half year old in diapers makes for not very fun diaper changes, and now that he can pull down his pants and diaper at the same time, it makes for even more 'not very fun' moments. Chase can't communicate or comprehend enough to fully potty train, but we're working on it. And the 'incident' I'm referring to, had to do with poop, lots of poop...everywhere. I won't go into the nitty gritty details.

This day, like i said, i was feeling sorry for myself and asking Heavenly Father why he thought I could handle this, and why He trusted ME with such a special spirit. This day I felt particularly like I was failing Chase.

I was outside with Chase waiting for my friend to pick me up so we could go out to lunch and i notice that the mail had come. I open up the mail box and found this in there....
I was confused at first because it said that it was from Holloman Primary school...(the kids' school) because it was addressed so personally.
Then I opened it up and found this...




This was Chase's Valentine to us. His preschool class had went on a field trip the day before to the post office on base to see the room where all the packages and letters go, and to mail their valentine's to their mom and dad.

When i opened the envelope and saw this inside, I knew I was getting an answer to my plea for help and understanding.

I sometimes forget that Chase is here for me just as much as I am here for him. He teaches me so many things, and if I'm listening and able, i can learn them.

Tears rolled down my face as i looked over at Chase, who was sitting on the porch swing, totally oblivious to what was going on with me, and I knew that somehow, God found me qualified to take care of such a special spirit and that sometimes it's humbling, but it's just what I need.

The thing that's cool about Chase is that he could care less about the people that stare at him at the store when he's doing something that looks strange, like the hand flapping and head shaking. I'm so used to it I don't think a thing of it. But I know that people are staring. I just smile and keep going. Or when he's having a screaming fit, and people get disgusted looks on their faces and it's takes all my conscience effort not to say something to wipe that look off their face...or when people give an annoyed sigh if the screaming startles them...what i wanna say and very seldom do say is, 'deal with it, i have to hear it every day'...and then there's Chase who is clueless to it all around him, he couldn't care less that he's been judged. I wish i didn't care when I'm being judged with people eyes and expressions. Most of the time I can let it slide.

I read a t-shirt the other day that said "People with autism do not lie, do not judge, do not play mind games, maybe we can learn something from them."

We just found out that Tricare (military health insurance) is finally going to pay for Autism Behavior Therapy. They'll pay 2500 a month, we just have to pay 25 dollars of that. We are very excited to get him this therapy. The thing about Chase is he's not that bad for a kid with autism, he's not violent, he's acutally pretty loving, he laughs and even is starting to want to interact more, but if we can get him help to learn better to adapt in social situations, then that's awesome. I just hope the military's ready to pay for our gas to drive to Albuqurque once a week for appts, or move us to a base that's in a bigger town!!